The Afghan leak: the Mother Of All Blunders

Another day, another scandal. This one, however, is an order of magnitude greater than the others. It is the Mother Of All Blunders.

For years, the British government has been secretly importing thousands of Afghans due to some big brain Royal Marine sending an Excel spreadsheet detailing the particulars of 19,000 people who fought for us during our idiotic excursion into that unforgiving country.

Each aspect of this cock-up points towards a different failing of the British state. In a way, it is the perfect disaster: it shines a 10,000 watt bulb directly on the manifold inadequacies and perversities of the Yookay circa 2025.

Let us take some in sequence. Firstly, we have the much-fabled super-injunction. This legal sledgehammer – or rather, ball-gag – not only prevents information being disclosed, but it also prevents any disclosure of the injunction itself. A more stifling instrument to stifle free speech could not be conceived of. While in this instance one had been in effect to cover-up the utter shambles of the state, others have been taken out for far less: Andrew Marr, for instance, had a super-injunction taken out when he was banging someone who wasn't his missus.

It begs the question: what else is being hushed up by this grotesque legal weapon? How many tales regarding rent boys – just to take a wild example – might be forbidden from public debate by this obscene instrument? Well, that's the kicker: we are not permitted to know.

Super-injuct me, daddy

The first fall-out from this disaster must be a clarification of how many super-injunctions are in effect and, ultimately, their abolition. To have such a thing in a society which declares itself 'free' and 'liberal' is, to put it lightly, hilariously hypocritical.

Then, of course, we have the demographic implications. Around 20,000 are apparently eligible to be resettled into the UK. Add to this the inevitable family members who will want to come here so that they can live off Universal Credit and the number will undoubtedly grow exponentially. The first law of government projections on how many people will want to come to the UK is that it is always wrong by a factor of many tens.

There is the fact that British population has, repeatedly, consistently, voted against immigration every time it has been asked. There is also the fact that Afghans are 20x more likely to commit a sexual crime than a native Brit. The revelation that we have been busily importing rapey Afghans will not go down well with a public whose scepticism of the sexual mores of Muslim populations has reached an all-time-high.

Enriching!

What else, of course, to expect from a medieval, tribal nation? We are not importing Scandi furniture designers, after all, but borderline medieval villagers from the arse-end of Nowhereistan. This fact alone underlines the fundamental absurdity of our failed adventures in Afghanistan, whereby we tried to impose superficial Western liberalism on to a society whose modes of thought have remained many centuries behind. The arrogance and stupidity of that folly – with untold thousands killed and wounded, our moral prestige tarnished and our treasuries emptied – is an epoch-defining one.

Let's not stop there. What is more delicious still is that this disaster implicates the whole political system. The disaster happened under the Conservatives and was perpetuated by Labour. While we all know that they have long been two cheeks of the same stinking derrière, this is yet more confirmation. Moreover, who was immigration minister at the time? Born-again Jenrick, no less!

Thus far, nobody has lost their job. Nobody in the public sector loses their job, ever, unless they're caught red-handed plunging a knife into a helpless grandma or the like. Otherwise, you can dish out untold damage to the nation and waste billion of pounds and still be promoted to eventually enjoy your cushy public sector pension. No heads ever roll, no matter how great the scandal.

What's more – the cost, the cost! A mere £7 billion. Some of that to rehouse the Afghans, some of it as likely damages awarded to them. As a nation we cannot give pensioners a winter fuel allowance, but we can find a few bill here for Johnny Foreigner. The government tries desperately to cut spending in pathetic ways – with designs even on Cash ISAs as a means of hoovering up a few spare quid to prop up the creaking, rapidly disintegrating locomotive that is the British state – yet, simultaneously, it can somehow find the cash for anyone who isn't British.

Your taxes: forever wasted, forever rising. You are to be immiserated for the greater good.

Then, of course, there is the question of data. Our idiot leaders are very keen on gathering as much data about is as possible. Naturally, the more you know about your citizens, the more you can control them. However, one berk with an email account can leak the personal details of tens of thousands and cost the nation billions. Do you trust these people with your private information? With rumours of digital IDs circulating – we must seriously ask ourselves to what extent the idiots which inhabit our public sector can be trusted with our vital info.

One last point. No doubt there are people who can come with many more. But there is this: we entered Afghanistan – foolishly no doubt – and asked Afghans to help us fight. Presumably they were paid and did so either for that pay or for the chance to 'free' their country from the Taliban. It is a risky business, no doubt.

As far as I can understand there was no promise that, eventually, these people would be able to move to the UK. Engaging in a war on behalf of a foreign power they, surely, took on a great deal of personal risk, both immediately and later on. There was never any guarantee that our mission there would succeed. There was never an agreement that should it fail, and their complicity with Western powers become known, that we would offer them everything on a platter.

We have taken far too many immigrants. Had we not done so there would likely be an appetite to help those who had fought alongside our troops: look at the public sympathy for Gurkhas for proof of the British people's innate willingness to help those who have mucked in on our behalf.

However, after many millions, many crimes and the impending sense that our country's dysfunction is reaching critical levels, any appetite to help such people is waning. Such is the risk of abusing a population's good nature for so many years.

And so, dear reader, here are some of the stupidities that his whole debacle highlights. No doubt you can think of many more. This is a significant landmark in the nation's collapse of faith in its elite, another diabolical failure underlining to what extent those in power detest those they claim to represent.

There is no way back for this Establishment. Only their complete turfing out will do.